Thirty-wha?!?!

I am about to turn 32. Yes I said it.. my REAL age. So far I am not embarrassed about it, not ashamed either. Maybe when I see it with a 4 in the front that will make a difference, but so far, not so much. What did hit me today was thinking about where I was 10 years ago at this point in my life. I had an amazing job, I worked for a company that traded semi conductors and really truly cared about their employees. The CEO was accessible and made a difference in the life of everyone from the sales people, and shipping dept to the secretaries. I was the secretary who had just moved into sales. I was 6 months pregnant and 2 months married. I was a mess. I worked with many young professionals. Men and women who, to this day I look out and wonder where they are, but know that wherever that is, they are successful. I was at the point in my pregnancy where I had just started to keep food down. I was just starting to feel good. No longer did I want to curl up on any given public bathroom floor and sleep after losing the water I was told I had to drink. My belly was starting to show, Bear was starting to kick, I was 21 and scared out of my mind. No one at work had ever had a baby, I was the first of my friends to have one, and with no brothers and no sisters for either my Ex or I this would also be the first Grandchild on both sides. I wasn’t sure if this made me a pioneer or an idiot.

My 22nd birthday was when it really hit. No longer was I hoping for clothes or jewelry, I was hoping for baby clothes and supplies. That was what I genuinely wanted. I was a little sad that I could finally go out to a bar legally and have a drink, but alas, no… not in that state, it would have to wait. I was afraid to even be seen in a bar pregnant. (que Sweet Home Alabama quotes). 

Then I thought about this year… so much has changed. I no longer work for that company, but I dream of being the kind of boss my CEO was. I have had some crazy amazing experiences. I have worked with seals, been to Paris on Thanksgiving Day, divorced, fallen in love 3 more times (Bear, Punk and Goalie), I have loved and lost, I have seen stars from a sailboat, slid down a concrete slide in a mountain and zip-lined thru the rainforest of Costa Rica with no hands. We have made so many happy memories. For my birthday, I don’t want to go to a bar, it isn’t my weekend with the kids, but I asked if I could have them to take out to dinner with us. I can’t imagine them not being there with me to celebrate another awesome year. So while I no longer wish for baby clothes and supplies and I would not turn down diamonds or sapphires,  I suppose what I really want is more amazing memories. 

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